January 2024 Movies Ranked

With January at an end, it is time to share my thoughts and ranking of the January new releases that I saw. January was a pretty bare month for movies. I only saw three in the theaters and two on streaming and none of them were all that good. Technically I also saw Poor Things and American Fiction but they were both released in 2023 and thus omitted from this list. January is usually the dumping ground for movies and this month was no exception to this. With that being said, here is my ranking of the five January releases that I saw.

Honorable Mention: Mean Girls

I wanted to throw this movie in as an honorable mention, Sarah saw it with a group of friends and I wasn't about to go see this movie by myself. Sarah said she had a good time with it and thought it was cool that some of the original actors showed up. She also said that the musical aspect was good and fit in with the story.

Sarah's Score: 7/10 Grade: B

5. I.S.S

I.S.S. was by far the worst movie of the month. I was expecting a tight paranoia thriller with very tense moments. However, what we got was just a very poor slow-burn story with characters that don't really go anywhere or any sort of compelling story. The only redeeming quality is that the movie was in space and space movies are fun but beyond that there isn't much positive about this movie. The premise itself is pretty stupid with both the US and Russia thinking that the I.S.S. has some sort of strategic advantage in their war. I could forgive the premise if the movie was actually exciting but it ends up just being very dull. None of the characters are all that likable and the stakes just don't seem to be all that important to the story. There was so much potential for a movie like this that could have worked if there was just better writing. Overall, while some movies can be so dumb that they are fun, this one was just dumb.

Score: 4/10 Grade: D

4. Founders Day

Founders Day was definitely not as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was not good either. Founders Day is essentially your typical slasher whodunit film but themed to Election Day. It takes all the basic ideas from Scream and just does it again. The kills are all entertaining enough and there were a few decent reveals it but there is nothing really to write home about. Most of the characters are unbearably obnoxious or just forgettable. The characters are all essentially "borrowed" characters from the scream franchise. The movie also borrows all of the plot aspects from the original Scream film such as having a teen party when a killer is on the loose, having an multiple killers and trying to frame the Dad character. The movie was also extremely predictable. I knew who the mastermind was maybe 15 minutes into the movie and which makes the big reveals fall flat. Finally, I thought the ending and the way the main character chooses to handle the big reveal was incredibly stupid and unsatisfying. Overall, while it isn't an unwatchable mess, it still isn't a good movie. It is essentially just a half baked Scream with an Election Day skin on it.

Score: 5/10 Grade: C

3. Self Reliance

Self Reliance was the first of the two streaming movies I saw. Self Reliance is a Hulu original movie that follows loner, Tommy, as he agrees to play a game show where people try to hunt and kill him. This is essentially like the movie The Game as a comedy, except with Jake Johnson instead of Michael Douglas. There were several elements that I enjoyed about this movie. I thought there were a lot of funny moments mostly from Tommy trying to convince people he is a part of this game. There were also some fun characters that were great whenever they were on screen such as Tommy's homeless friend, the Andy Samberg character, and the Anna Kendrick character. What holds this movie back for me is that the plot itself is a bit clunky. It feels like a bunch of little segments instead of a cohesive film. I also felt that the ending was a bit underwhelming. When the game finally ended, it gave me a bit of a "that's it?" feeling. In the end, this wasn't a terrible movie but it didn't exactly stand out either.

Score: 6/10 Grade: C+

2. Lift

Lift is the second streaming movie I saw this month. This movie stars Kevin Hart and follows a group of thieves who are recruited by Interpol to steal $500 million being transported on a passenger airplane. This was another movie that was fun enough but was ultimately just an ok watch. This was a pretty generic heist movie but I enjoy heist movies so it made it entirely watchable for me. There were some funny moments here and the whole heist sequence was a lot of fun. There is just nothing super memorable about it. The characters don't really have any memorable characteristics and Kevin Hart doesn't even get to do his Kevin Hart thing. This is usually pretty standard with these Netflix movies. They nab a big-name actor, throw a bunch of money into the effects, and produce a mediocre blockbuster that is totally watchable but completely forgettable. I was never bored with this movie but the day after I saw it couldn't remember much about it. Overall, this was an entertaining enough heist movie that isn't super memorable but is a good movie to watch if you are just bored and scrolling through Netflix.

Score: 6/10 Grade: C+

1. The Beekeeper

By default, The Beekeeper was the best movie of January. When a movie called The Beekeeper is the best movie of the month, you know it was a pretty weak movie month. This was a very dumb just very fun action movie. This is essentially if John Wick met The Bee movie but without Jerry Seinfeld. The premise and story are incredibly stupid but the action is just so much fun. Jason Statham is a blast to watch in these kinds of movies. The action sequences are incredibly ridiculous and so entertaining. One of the most ridiculous scenes is when Jason Statham ties a guy to his truck and then drives the truck off a bridge so that the guy gets pulled off with it. The stakes also get pretty ridiculous in this movie where a low-level scam office somehow goes all the way up to the top of the US government. The movie is incredibly entertaining with nonstop action but is pretty laughable at how stupid it gets sometimes. In the end, this movie is complete nonsense but it is nonsense I would watch again.

Score: 6.5/10 Grade: B-